Long List o' Movies

So to begin this long list of movie reviews, you may have to familiarize yourself with the Chapati Ratings System.

KNOWING on DVD– 1.2 CHAPATIS
I was pretty excited to see this movie when I first heard about it. But it was a pretty lame movie.
(Warning spoiler ahead)
I do like that it used the Islamic concept that the Earth will be destroyed by the sun (more or less) but I just can’t get how they ended the story by a couple of kids across the globe being saved to repopulate another “Earth.” Lame-o.
My suggestion: Watch only if you’re flying and you’ve seen all the other available movies on your personal tv.




CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPOHOLIC- 1.5 Chapatis
I wish this movie had more of the Sex and the City and Devil Wears Prada fashion sense. But this movie was about A shopoholic, so you get exactly what the title says. And there’s really no confessions…she just has a shopping problem. I wish it was more about the clothes and accessories, this movie had the potential to launch Isla Fisher into the league of Audrey Hepburn and Sarah Jessica Parker as icons and whose dresses we all think about with just one mention. Heck, I even remember Anne Hathaway’s thigh high boots in Devil Wears Prada when she first surprises her boyfriend with her new look. What a waste of a movie. But, Isla Fisher does look cute and one thing I DO like is that they use some of her outfit more than once.
My suggestion: Rent it if you’re a girl and can handle predictable movies.

Pink Panther 2 – 2 chapatis
Ok , I have to admit, I didn’t see the first Pink Panther . So I guess I cant say if this one was better or worse than the first one. However, I did enjoy it and actually laughed out loud a few times. I did kind of guess who was the real jewel theif in the first quarter of the movie, but I’m pretty sure this movie was just aimed at laughs and not really boggling the viewer’s mind as to who could be the theif.
My suggestion: Rent it if your weekend is free and without giving away too much, be ready to laugh at around the 28minute mark when Andy Garcia is telling Steve Martin “all day the babies.” HILLARIOUS. Followed up with the sushi remark by steve martin…simplicity in comedy at its best.

MADEA GOES TO JAIL – .75 CHAPATI
I just have a problem where I have to watch all of Tyler Perry’s movies so yeah, watching this movie was a result ofmy problem. Pretty predictable. But if you have the same problem as me, well I guess then watch it.
My suggestion: If this is all that’s playing on the plane, take a nap.

Gran Torino – 2.8 chapatis
Awesome movie. Watch it. Now. Go rent it. I will pay you the dollar to rent it. I love Clint Eastwood. And as a sidenote, if you think Clint’s character is a little like mine (in terms of grumpiness and the remarks) then I consider it an honor. An honor that I have only bettered and enhanced your life with my character. HUAH

He’s just not that into you – 1chapati
I guess sooo many actors and sooo many storylines make a viewer go nuts. That’s what happened when I saw this movie…I became a nut. Movie was blah. Yawn. Blah blah. Yaaawwn.
My suggestion: can you handle cheese? Do you like cheese on your burgers and do you let the waiter at cheesecake factory grate parmesan on your pasta? Then go for it, watch the movie.

Revolutionary Road- 2.8 chapatis
I would say that only those who are married should watch this movie. Better yet, only those who have been married less than 3 years. Better yet, ladies, watch it without your husband first, then you can judge if he should watch it. Amazing movie. Yes, there’s a “dirty cheating on your partner” part here or there. But nevermind that. You will see yourself in Kate Winslet’s character, not going to say anymore for fear of spoiling it.
My suggestion: Watch it if you meet the above requirements.

New in Town: 1 chapati
Watch it if you’re with people of varying ages. Otherwise watch it on a plane. That’s my only suggestion.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop – 2 chapatis
I love Kevin James so im biased with this movie. My favorite is when he’s hanging from the ceiling pretending to be one of the mannequins…hillarity hath ensueth.
My suggestion: Yeah, rent it and watch it with everyone.

Taken – 1.9 chapatis
All in all a pretty good movie and really liked that it was a different story and was showing a problem in the world that not many people know exists. The only reason this is a 1.9 and not a 2.2 is because Liam Neeson speaks English the whole freakin time! He’s freakin in France and pretending to be a cop (oh yeah, sorry, spoiler alert) and speaks English to everyone and no one scratches their head and gives it a second thought. I guess they were trying to save money on either giving Liam Neeson French lessons or saving money on posting subtitles. Either or, it was pretty weird!
My suggestion: Watch this movie when possible, the movie showcases a worldwide problem that many people, including myself, aren’t educated about.

Bride Wars: 1.5 chapatis
Girl movie. And as a girl, there’s certain movies we have to watch regardless of how un-great they are.
My suggestion: If you’re having a slumber party, rent Bride Wars, He’s just not that into you, and Confessions of a Shopoholic. You will dread your next menses.

The Day the Earth Stood Still - 1 chapati
Now I’m all for destroying-the-Earth movies, but I guess there’s only so much of a story that the writers can come up with. Don’t get me wrong, the graphics in this movie and Knowing were cool and if my rating included the graphics the ratings on these movies would be higher. Good message in the movie though, although I still think it should be mandatory for everyone to have to take the AP Environmental Science class I took in high school, it’s scared the bejeezus out of me since 11th grade. It’s the reason I’ll make sure a napkin is used all the way through before I throw it away.
My suggestion: this is the boy response to all the girl movies I listed.

YES MAN – 1.6 CHAPATIS
Movie was nice and got me thinking what my life would be like if I started saying “yes” more. Eh, I guess none of us will ever know.
My suggestion: watch it on a plane, if your plane doesn’t have it, request it. If the crew wont comply, watch another movie. :-D

Bedtime Stories – 1.9 chapatis
I’m a pretty huge Adam Sandler fan and so it pains me to give any of his movies anything lower than three whole chapatis. But this movie lacked the imagination I was assuming would prevail from this movie. But still a pretty good movie to watch with those who are young.
My suggestion: Definitely watch if there’s someone under fifteen in your household. Or wait, under 13 I guess, cuz even 14 and 15 year olds are so “Emo” and supercool now. Jeez, how quick the generations change.

Marley & Me - .5 chapati
Ok I gave this movie a chance, especially since it was filmed in the sunshine state (holla) but I gave up on this movie. I saw like the first hour and had to shut it off. What was the point of this movie again…?
Anyways, my suggestion: BURN THIS MOVIE WHEREVER YOU FIND IT. Kick it. Punch it. Douse it in gasoline and light it up, baby.

BOLT-2.2 CHAPATIS
I like this movie, it’s a unique story. I laughed silently quite a few times. Yeah, watch it if you’ve had a rouch day. Trust me, the first 5minutes I was like wtf?! Then few minutes later you realize the story.
My Suggestion: Definitely watchable with family, and I actually think it’s required watching by the family bureau. So yeah, watch it.

Quantum of Solace – no rating
This is the first 007 movie I’ve seen and really I cant much remember the story. I think I did like it while watching it but wanted to rip apart my toes after it ended from wtf’ing too much. Ok ill give it a rating: 1.5 chapatis.

TRANSPORTER 3 - 1.5 CHAPATIS
I love Jason Statham so I guess that’s why I even saw this movie. It’s not as good as the previous ones, but it still does the job. And what’s up with all these Eastern European/Russian girls in his movies? Anyways, yeah watch it if you like Statham vroom vrooming your engine.

AUSTRALIA – 3 CHAPATIS +EXTRA DOUBLE-ROTI
Ah, saved the best for last. Now I know it didn’t get great reviews, very few people liked the movie when it came out. So I didn’t start this movie with the best of hopes. But this movie is our Gone With the Wind. Fellow Generation Y’ers, watch this movie and appreciate what the cinema is. This is a film, not a movie. I can’t believe people didn’t like this movie! This was a great experience and as soon as I get an extra 15 bucks I’m buying the DVD.
My suggestion: Pop one bag of popcorn per person (I mean it, it’s a long movie) and go watch it NOW. What are you doing reading my stupid chapati ratings? Go watch this cinematic masterpiece.
P.S. if you don’t fall in love with Australian hunks after seeing Hugh Jackman in this movie, then no amount of prayer can fix your mental stupidity…no amount!